Loss and Learning.

One thing I have learned is that you can’t change peoples view on a scenario that happened, people only see things from their view most of the time and how they feel, it doesn’t mean it’s right. Another thing that I have learned is that you can’t set yourself on fire so others don’t burn. This is not an easy lesson to learn, anyone who thinks that it is must be crazy. I have been to hell and back over the last year or so but I haven’t quit yet even when I really felt like giving up. The most important thing is that you have to be there for yourself.

I’ve had many people leave my life this last year and that is not an easy thing. People you thought would be in it forever, gone just like that. I’ve had people distance themselves from me and I’ve distanced myself from people. That is not necessarily anyone’s fault but circumstances change and you can’t always adapt to your circumstances. I’ve had someone leave my life unexpectedly for no reason, I’ve had a friend leave my life to do what is best for them and I’ve distanced myself too from people to do what’s best for me. You can’t be mad at someone for doing what is best for themselves, they clearly had to do it for a reason which is a lesson I learned this year. I hate losing friends and I would never do it unless I felt like I absolutely had to or I was just heartbroken. I know that I am a good friend but sometimes people see things through small glasses. I would go to the ends of the Earth for my friends but you have to realize that not everyone would do the same for you.

Once you leave someone, it’s hard to go back. Even if you try and try to go back to the way things were, it’s always in the back of your mind. Things like “they just left me when I needed them most” or “you did something that I would never do to you and I just can’t forgive you for that”.

Distancing yourself from someone is never easy, if you think it is then you are heartless or did not care about that person in the slightest. I’ve distanced myself and it hurts like hell but in the long run you have to realize this is for you and you can’t go back to the way things once were before the events that broke the friendship happened. I still to this day get moments where I want to text that person when I see something that reminds me of them but I have to stop myself because I have to realize that it isn’t like that anymore. Once someone does something to you that you would never do to them in a million years, it’s hard to go back just like that. It takes time and sometimes not even time is enough. People can’t put themselves in other people’s shoes and think well if they did this to me how would I feel. Sometimes you try to put yourself in another person’s shoes and they just don’t fit because you can’t see how they could do that to you. Once you feel betrayed or have lost trust – that’s it. You can’t gain it back, at least not right away.

To those who have dealt with losing friends either by their choice or yours the most important thing to realize is this happened for a reason. Maybe not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. There will be people coming in and out of your life, cherish moments with those that you love and don’t take any bullshit from anyone.